Off to the artpark in the sky

Today I found out that someone special in my younger part of my life passed away about two weeks ago. His name was Jimmy Burns, and he dated my mom when I was younger. Jimmy was very close friends with my Aunt Barb and Uncle Chris. Jimmy was likely the most talented artist I had ever met. I remember him creating the most detailed drawing on an etch a sketch of all things while he had his morning coffee. He would often take a pen or pencil and white paper and in a matter of minutes have created something new, and usually funny - he was also quite the comedian. Even at his funeral, I heard that he had a song from Monty Python playing. Somehow his wishes for the kind of funeral that he would want were discussed not too long back, though his death two weeks ago was sudden and unexpected.

Jimmy was a good egg. He was kind hearted, smart, goofy, loving, and was the biggest 'kid' I think I ever met. He never really grew up, I don't think. I have not seen Jimmy in over 10 years, and I am sorry that I won't see him again. I will always remember how special he was, and how much he cared for my family.

When your child tries to burn your house down...

Warning to parents - don't ask your child to take the paper towel roll to the recycling bin if he or she has to walk past a candle. We had a terrible storm come through this evening, so in the event that we lost electricity, I made the choice to light two candles. I was cleaning up after dinner, and asked Lanie to please take the empty paper towel roll to the recycling bin as I often do. The next thing I know, she says "Why is that paper on fire mommy?". I looked around the corner and saw that my floor had a bunch of paper towel (which she must have found somewhere since it was an empty roll) engulfed in flame on my floor. Soot and ash were spreading everywhere, and all I could think of was holy sh*t, my house is going to burn down and my daughter and my cats are in danger! (Aubrey was not home). I got the fire out with minimal damage, though some of the tiles in the kitchen will need to be replaced now.

I know that parenthood is all a learning experience, but goodness, I was really surprised by this! Lanie by the way had a slight and very minor burn on her hand, but she is okay. She was very frightened, and I think that we BOTH learned a lot from this experience.

To Hell with Cancer

You know, we have pills to get you high, pills to get you low, pills to help with erections and pills to make hair stop growing or breasts enlarge or decrease (hormones - don't get too excited out there ladies), and of course pills to help keep you healthy (supposidly) like vitimins. Why isn't there a pill to keep you from getting cancer? Seriously, I mean, there are so many people out there fighting for grants to be able to afford to do their research (Thank you Dr. J). There as associations out there to help fund research and hospice and any care in between. And then R.J Reynolds continues to make and sell cigarettes to keep our trend of the most preventable form of cancer on the rise... and of course, since nicotine is addictive, people CAN'T stop smoking, even when they want to. Even those of us who don't smoke continue to be subjected to second hand smoke, which also causes cancer. Not all cancer is caused by cigarette smoke. I just happen to rant in that direction because I am still pissed that my grandmother passed away from something that could have been avoided - lung and brain cancer.

So, I am pleased that they have a shot now for girls to avoid HPV which causes cervical cancer. I am the pot calling the kettle black when I shout about this one - if people would insist on condoms or abstinence when they are in the dating (or playing) phases of life, HPV could be avoided too. I say I am the pot because I had pre-cancerous cells removed when I was 21, though I don't know if they were caused by HPV - that was not indicated by my doctor at the time. Nonetheless, it was a scary time for me.

Skin cancer - well, for those of you who bake in the beds... silly, silly people. You are as bad as the smokers (who I still don't put all of the blame on - I just wish we had a stronger quit system for them). Yet, the fact that tanning booths are legal is amazing to me.

You can see that I am on a rant. I HATE cancer. Who doesn't? I don't know any folks out there who are like "Yay, Lymphosarcoma" or "Rock on, Melanoma!", or "Asbestos Mesothelioma is so cool, don't you wish you had some!!" nobody says "I am so looking forward to seeing the oncologist - chemo is so much fun!!". In 2003 as I mentioned, my Grandma May passed away from cancer. This year, a sweet, young little boy named Brian Santos, who was a student in my school, passed away from a rare form of cancer. One of my best friends is fighting ovarian cancer and she is younger than me, my uncles both have fought with colon lesions and various forms of colon and prostate cancers (and are both ok), my grandfather died of colon cancer, my brother in law had testicular cancer, my aunt's brother has been fighting a brain tumor (and has been doing well), a close family friend has been very ill with cancer, my mother in law had cancer, the young Dr. that treated my tooth the other day is a breast cancer survivor. Yesterday we found out that someone very close to us has cancer as well (I will keep names out to allow this person privacy). What the hell is my point with this? My point is that cancer is everywhere. It can be genetic of course, but the reality is that EVERYONE, no matter who you are or what you do is at risk for cancer in their lifetime. Everyone. Why is this? I mean, we are all mortal, yes of course. But, why is cancer so prevalant in our world? Are we contributing to this beyond the cigarettes and sunshine? Are the incidences higher in 2008 than in 1908? Why can't we cure this? Why can't we prevent this? Now, let me take that back a second - we CAN cure some cancers. Even lung cancer can be cured at times now. Prostate cancer is one of the most cureable ones thank God, and skin cancer is becoming more and more treatable. It just seems to me that the all mighty dollar needs to be spent in the most efficient way to cure this terrible, all-reaching disease. We are at war over gas prices and terrorism, but in one year alone, the polution from the gas and the number of cancer deaths in the world will far outweigh the benefits from the war, no matter how "terror-free" the world becomes.

So, if you are reading this, please take a second and, if you have it, donate $1 (or of course more) to the American Cancer Society. This link will take you right to their donation page on their site.

https://www.cancer.org/docroot/DON/DON_1_Donate_Online_Now.asp

Thanks for reading my rant. God bless all of you who know someone who has cancer or if you have or had cancer yourself. God bless you if you don't know anyone who has fought with this either!

It's a Whirl Butt

Just a little Father's Day humor... Lanie is twirling around in the kitchen right now and is smacking herself on the butt (which is somewhat disturbing, I might add). I asked her what in the world is she doing - and her response? "It's a Whirl Butt!"

I love my kiddo

Farewell #14

#14 is the one labled Second Molar I believe - mine was on the left...

Every year, our school district (6th graders only) get to look forward to going to Camp Cutler down in Naples for Outdoor Ed, a time when most teachers call in a sub and teach something outside of the curriculum for two days. This year, there was archery, chase the chicken (capture the flag with a rubber chicken... I like the idea!), tye dying, and Sue (my mentor and close friend) and I taught macramé. Basically, we turned all of our kids into hemp-wearing hippies ;-). I will look forward to the time when Aubrey and I get to go to camp for those two days to be there with Lanie. It was a ton of fun... until all of a sudden I was hit in the face with a meteorite - ok, so that part didn't happen, but apparently an abscess above a tooth (#14 that I have now had TWO root canals, 10 DIFFERENT crowns, and all kinds of other work on) began to erupt. OUCH BLOODY HELL THAT HURTS! Seriously, I think the analogy of the meteorite is pretty close. Anyhow, I had to rush an hour back to Rochester (Naples is pretty far - but OH SO AMAZING THERE) to see a periodontist (who I would recommend to ANYONE who has the need and a few grand to spend on their teeth!) http://www.phsmile.com/html/Maryann%20Lester.html
Anyhow, by the time I got there, they could not give me any sedative or calming stuff other than when the Dr. started doing a guided meditation while giving me my 50 (no joke) shots of Novocaine, which by the way, I felt NONE of. Not a lie! Didn't help me to not be nervous though. I had to chuckle though - her assistant turns out to be the parent of one of my students that I will have next year... I asked her not to tell her daughter that I was a crying mess when I was in there!!

Anyhow, she pulled the tooth since that was the last option. I have a "bio-incompatibility" with adhesives that attach a crown to the teeth, so no sense in a bridge since that would destroy the two teeth around it, and apparently there was not enough root to hold another crown if I had a crown-lengthening procedure, which I was scheduled for this summer. So, after she pulled the tooth, she placed a bone graft (wow!) in the jaw, and some kind of membrane over it, and then stitched it in with 6 stitches. In one week I get the stitches out, and then in 3 months, they insert a titanium rod in for the implant. Then I get another (#11 I think) crown on that, and la-tee-da, I am done ( I hope!)

Good times, peeps. Good times. I think I am still in shock over this though. I didn't think I would have a tooth pulled like that at my age. Where the hell is the tooth fairy when you need her? I am still waiting for the $1500 to be left under my pillow that the Dentist charged me!!!!!

Lanie's First Recital

See all of the photos we took today at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/27461922@N06/

Well, today was a special day. Lanie danced in her first tap/jazz/ballet recital at Eastridge High School, and it was just wonderful. It was a real riot to watch the kids to their thing, some did what they were supposed to do, some did what they felt they wanted to do, and some had other items on their agendas! All in all, it was a success. I was afraid that Lanie would freeze up on stage since she had mentioned numerous times that she was very nervous about making mistakes and forgetting her dances/songs, but I think that it helped her a bit that I took her to the school the other day and brought her on the stage to get a little more used to where she would be. She did just fine. My heart went out to Sophie, one of Lanie's sweetest friends, who did exactly what I think I would do if I were to be on stage - cry. I give her so much credit for sticking it out and staying on the stage, even though she was frightened. I just wanted to go up and hug her! To be honest, I am really shocked that more kids didn't do the same thing. That was a big stage, and a scary venue for a little kid.

Now, on the complete opposite end of things was Julian! He was the ONLY boy out there, and he had an absolute blast. I have no idea if he was doing any of the dances correctly or if he just had his own plan, but whatever it was, it was absolutely precious. He was partnered up with Lanie for a few of the routines, and it was just great to see the two of them dancing together (his parents and I joke about how he and Lanie will get married someday ;-) )

Nonetheless, there are a few photos from the recital on the blog, but also please feel free to take a look at all of hte ones that I uploaded to Flickr.com. I have not used this site before, but it is usually good. If anyone has a hard time seeing the photos since I kept them for only family and friends, just let me know and I will make some adjustments to the security level.

Shit or Shinola

Some days I guess it doesn't matter which one it is. So, tomorrow, I have to have emergency oral surgery to take care of a cyst/abscess in my mouth - like I need more stress, right? But, good ole' Dr. McHottiepants (he is kinda, well, really hot, and yes, Aubrey knows this) gave me some Halcion to calm the savage beast that I become when I am stressed/anxious. Last time I had to see him, Aubrey found me waiting in the reception area zoned out and perhaps dancing (swaying probably) to the Doodlebops. He reminds me of this all of the time when he wants to poke a little fun at me.

On a better note, Lanie has her first dance recital on Saturday which should be really cute. I hope that she isn't too afraid on stage. There is a Ween song that comes to mind - I'm Dancing in the Show Tonight - this makes me think of her!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxCAqSC1srU

The live version isn't as cute as the recorded one (in my opinion, and it is harder to understand what they are singing, but whatever)

Of course, photos will follow once I have some!

Loren seems to be doing well too. All of the craziness that has surrounded her has taken its toll on me, so I am beginning to separate myself out from her. She isn't good for my health - believe me! She is successful so far in rehab, which is great. I just hope she keeps her shit together so she can be well enough to take care of her kids. They need her. Especially Alyssa, who is apparently moving yet again.

I just thought I would post thid again, 'cause it is so freakin' cool

Seriously , I drew this somehow... Never knew I could get that much detail in something. I love art/

My Pop-Pop. Thank you for your guidance on this drwing. I know I could not have done this myself.

Not to be narcissistic or anything, but these are the coolest drawings ever. You should be asking me for a copy that I can sell you, because of course it is so cool. ;-)


Ok, if I were so cool, I would have been a better person and would have gotten off of my ass and sent the litho's of Pop Pop to all of my sisters and cousins that I promised to send them to. I will (here it is now in writing) be sending them after the school year ends. That is a promise. Hold me to it (call me if I owe you one, and you don't get it). I learned through drawing this that Pop and I have (had) the same teeth - I never saw his real teeth as far as I can remember, but the photo that I drew this from had his real teeth in it...neato...

Guatemalan Carpet Painting with local artist Lyn Parsons

Me working on the carpet that my class designed.My students working on their design

The finished carpet

Details

Yesterday we celebrated Art Fest 2008 at the High School. It is a festival where the students are treated to a large variety of arts, such as music both by students, faculty and the US ARMY Rock Band, poetry, student films, 2-D and 3-D art where they can both watch and participate, visiting artists, face and henna painting and more.

The festival was my first, and it was nothing short of wonderful. My students (along with the students in some of the other art classes) helped design patterns that we used to create Guatemalan carpet paintings outside. We used colored saw dust along with other natural materials (pine needles, etc) to create large murals on the ground. It was a lot more fun than I would have anticipated, and I plan to do something similar to this with my students next year (though on a much smaller scale I think). Enjoy the photos!

By the way, it is OFFICIAL

I will be a full time, tenure track art teacher starting in the fall! I will be teaching grades 1, 2 and 3, which should be a real challenge. It will be a very busy summer for me, planning my syllabus for the year and getting my visuals ready for the year. Absolute craziness, I can assure you!

Nonetheless, I worked damn hard for this, and I know that I earned it. Good for me! :-D

Anyone who wants to celebrate with me, identify yourselves! If you read my blog, you can clearly see that I really NEED a celebration. It is nice to have a reason to!

Forward progress

Both things are really great news.

Loren has been sick, as she often is with her chronic kidney problems. Last night, she was sick enough that she was brought to the hospital to be seen since she has edema in her legs and hands, and has been fighting an infection that won't seem to go away. She also had a lot of pain, which turned out to be small kidney stones.

The people from the facility where she has been living dropped her off and left her unattended. Of course, she is voluntarily at the facility anyhow, so anytime she chooses, she could leave. Anyhow, after she was seen in emergency, they decided that she was not sick enough to admit her, and upon her discharge, the doctor wrote her a prescription for Vicodin for the pain until she passes the stone. Loren, for the first time in I don't know how long, refused the prescription. Instead she went with 800 mg of Motrin. When she called the inpatient facility where she is a resident and asked if someone could come and get her. They said no, that she would have to find her own way back. I know this because she was calling me at 4 this morning in a panic about the whole situation. In fact, I was not sure if she would go back to the place that she has been living, but left that decision up to her. Turns out, she did go back to her facility, and I will be seeing her in less than an hour. Not too shabby.

The Latest Chapter in the Story of my Sister, Loren

From the blog, you know that Loren came to live with us for a bit. She moved here in February and got a job right away at a bagel place. She also got into an outpatient clinic to help her with her mental issues and her drug addiction. That all lasted until the Tuesday before mother's day. Loren left for her meeting that day, and didn't come home. In fact, we didn't see her again until she showed up at our back door again on Mother's day. Sadly, she was found by a woman and her pre-teen daughter wandering the streets in Albion (which is about 40 minutes from here, out in the middle of nowhere really). You can probably conclude that she was on a binge. We had filed a police report for a missing person, printed and hung missing person posters, posted that she was missing on this blog, and had done all that we could with our network of friends and acquaintances to see if anyone could find her. In fact, a city cop friend was able to locate her within about 6 hours, but by the time that they went to pick her up, she was already gone from the crack house that she was in for a bit.

When she came home, we told her that we loved her and were very sad for her, and happy that she was still alive, but that she could not come back into our home anymore. We suggested that she go to an inpatient facility and get help, and she said that was what she wanted. It was a Sunday though, and nobody would take her. The woman that found her wandering in Albion then took her to a hospital in a far away town called Medina (closer to where Shawna lives) and sent her to the emergency room since she thought that Medina's inpatient would accept her. Though they didn't take her into inpatient there, they kept her in the emergency room overnight, and I went to get her the next day. Through more networking and a lot of string pulling, we were able to get her into an addiction center here in Rochester for inpatient help, where she has been since last Tuesday. So far, so good. I went to visit her there yesterday, and although she really wants to get out of there because of some of the people there (she says some of the women are bullies, and the men try to get her in trouble by trying to get her to talk to them - they are not allowed to talk with men), she is making progress. It is smoke free too, so she has not smoked in nearly a week, and they provide all of the help and meds that she needs, including her $5/pill suboxone, chantex, and even acupuncture!

When she leaves the inpatient, she will of course have some more choices to make, such as what her next step(s) will be. We have helped secure her a bed at a halfway house here, so if she chooses to continue to accept help, she will have that as a place to continue her recovery. After that, I don't know what she will do, but we have been very clear that our house is no longer an option.

Sooooooooo, that is what is going on with Loren. As always, I will post any and all updates to the blog to keep everyone informed on what happens. All in all, this has been a true trial, but we are doing all that we can to support her without enabling her, and I honestly think that we have done a very good job at that. The rest is of course up to Loren!

Of course, she welcomes any thoughts and prayers. If anyone wants me to get a message to her of any kind, just let me know. You can post a comment and I will make sure that she knows that you are thinking of her.

Update on Loren

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to hang posters, cry with us, read the blog, say a prayer, whatever it is you have done to try to help with Loren.

I want to tell you that today, Loren was brought back to our house for a brief time. A woman picked her up about 30 minutes away from here in Albion and brought her to our house. Loren was wandering about and did not know where she was.

It was likely the most difficult thing I have ever done to tell her that she could not be here anymore. I gave her the small package that her 5 year old daughter sent her for mother's day, a bag of candy bars that she had bought, and $4 for cigarettes. I gave her a very long hug. I told her how sad I am for her, I told her that I love her so much, and that I hope she loves herself enough to help herself. She could barely stand - she said she had not eaten since Tuesday, and her lips were white and chapped. She was very dope sick, and said she wanted help. I pray that this is the rock bottom that she needs to finally let go and accept the help that she really needs.

We were advised by the woman who brought her here that Loren was brought to a hospital in Orleans County (I believe that is the county). I can't get information on her - they won't confirm if she is or is not there. The best I could do is give my name and number and ask them to ask her, if she is in fact there, if she can call me to let me know that she is there. It is so hard not to know.

My little sister, my little chubbs, I know you don't read this, but I love you. My heart hurts so much for you.

***Missing - Have you seen this person?***

Loren is on the right in the above photo

Loren is on the left in the above photo

Loren is on the right in the top row in the above photo

As of yesterday afternoon, my sister Loren Kennedy (DeAgro) has been missing. Loren is addicted to crack and other upper drugs, and has not been seen since yesterday morning, and has not been heard from since yesterday at around 4pm EST. She is 5'8", 160 lbs, brown/brown, and may have a black jacket with her. I have no idea what she was wearing, but I know that she did not go to work today, did not go to her group therapy yesterday, and her cell phone goes right to voicemail when I call it. Loren is bipolar and is often unable to make out the difference between lies and truth. I am honestly not sure if she knows the difference between her own lies and the truth.

I have filed a missing persons report with the police, and will begin posting photos of her around town, though as a 29 year old adult, she has the right to not come home. Loren needs help. Please contact us via the blog comments (or if you know us personally, through our home or cell numbers) if Loren contacts you, or if you see her at all.

Thank you,
Catherine

Friday Night Fun at Kate & Vince's Wedding!

I just wanted to share with all of my readers that Aubrey and I attended one of the most fun weddings ever this past Friday - Our friends Kate & Vince were married that evening, and the party came right afterward. We knew so many people at the reception that the conversations were full and plenty! It certainly didn't hurt that the wedding was also at a winery! (love wine). We have been blessed over the years to have been invited to (and attended) many very cool weddings (Erin & Dr. J, Frank & Danielle, Chris & Sara, and so many more), but this one was very comfortable for all who attended.

Please enjoy the photos, and if you have some to share, let me know and I will upload them to the site!

"Shop it like a Job!"

Snoop Dogg

Now, you may be wondering what the title of this post means - of course if you read further (and I bet you will), you will find out! Lanie is singing a new song around the house, not sure where she learned it, but she is singing "Shop it like a job, shop it like a job, shop it like a job"

So, there is a song by Snoop Dog - "Drop it Like It's Hot", and the actual lyrics are below - if you know us well, you will likely know that this isn't really our style of music, and therefore she didn't hear this around OUR house - not sure where she is getting her new line of music, but when I meet the DJ, we are gonna have a long talk ;-) !


"Drop It Like It's Hot"
(feat. Pharrell Williams)

[Intro]
Snooooooooooop..
Snooooooooooop..

[Chorus - Snoop Dogg]
When the pimp's in the crib ma
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
Drop it like it's hot
When the pigs try to get at yea
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
Park it like it's hot
And if a nigga get a attitude
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
Pop it like it's hot
I got the rolly on my arm and I'm pouring Chandon
And I roll the best weed cause I got it going on


I think I will delete the rest of the song, because it gets WORSE!!!

Oh Canada

Hempola Farms

A lunch time kiss by girls in glasses

The snow is nearly up to his knees - by the way, can you believe that it was 70 degrees F. out at the time that this photo was taken? I kid you not!!!

Hello there everyone!

After a stressful few weeks at home, we decided to go ahead and take a vacation (which was planned for some time, thanks to Phil and Linda!) up to Barrie, Ontario. We are in a beautiful chalet at a resort called Carriage Ridge http://www.shellhospitality.com/hotels/carriage_resort/index.html
where we have done little more than relax and take in the fresh air and quiet surroundings. It has been a much needed and much appreciated vacation, let me tell you!!!

I will make sure to put photos up on the blog when I get home since the internet here is not free - although we have wireless, it still comes with a charge for each 24 hours worth of use.

We have had the time to do some swimming, enjoy some of the kids activities at the resort, done all kinds of crafts, visited the coolest general store in the world (I have photos of it), and visited a place called Hempola Farms http://www.hempola.com/

That was not too exciting. The brochure was much more interesting than the actual place to be honest. I was hoping to see a larger shop, as I find the multiple uses for hemp (not necessarily the 'weed' portion of the thing) very cool - bio fuel, clothing, and most recently, hemp cord which I am using to learn how to macramé. Aubrey and I (and Lanie to some extent) have been creating bracelets and necklaces out of hemp cord which has been a lot of fun to do, and it is also very meditative as well. I have been taking my cord to the pool area since I am not a big fan of swimming, and have created 5 or 6 different necklaces and bracelets at this point. Goodness, if I get any good at making these things, maybe I will be able to sell some of the ones that I make! ;-)

I have to laugh, we have 4 beds total in our chalet, as we have a lock off unit and two sofa sleepers, so you would think that we would have plenty of sleeping room - somehow, Lanie has won the battle each night, and has slept in between us in our bed - good thing they have large beds up here !!!

Anyhow, I just wanted to check in and let you all know that things are going well up here. As I said before, I will post the photos to this blog when we get home in a few days.

Much love and good health to all...

Introducing the lovely and talented silly twins...

I just thought I would share this little video of Lanie and Alyssa on Alyssa's last evening at our house. They had a lot of fun playing in the living room together, dancing and singing as you will soon see. Emotions were really high last night though at bed time. Alyssa was very sad about having to go home, and I have never seen Lanie more heartbroken about having to say goodbye to someone. She was so very sad, and I am sure that it didn't help that she was also very tired, and had some japanese soda at dinner which was no doubt filled with sugar.

Enjoy the little video, and don't forget to drop a comment every now and again... it let's me know you are still reading this! ;-)

Life isn't always easy

Alyssa and Lanie brushing their teeth together - Lanie wanted to be a big girl and brush hers all on her own like her big cousin was doing!

Loren, Aubrey and Lanie at Fridays - I forgot to mention that Lanie asked the server to have the staff come over and sing happy birthday to her, even though it was not her birthday - they were very happy to oblige, and even brought her a birthday desert ice cream! It was so cute!

Hi readers,

It has been a while since I have posted to the blog, and I apologize for the long delay. Those of you who have been in touch with us know that life has been very different for us lately. In the beginning of March, my sister Loren came to stay with us with hopes of beginning a new life. She is 29, and has a history of codependancy, addiction to drugs, a history of lying, and a poor work record. There is much more to her than that, but you don't need to read an epic novel right now I suppose! Nonetheless... Aubrey and I are far from professional counselors or psychiatrists, and we lack the tools necessary to help Loren to the extent that she really requires to really give her the best chance for true survival and success in life.

In an eleventh-hour decision, Loren decided to bring her 5 year old daughter Alyssa up to stay with us for two weeks. This caused major uproar with Alyssa's father, who is also a drug addict, and an all around terrible example for his daughter. In fact, at one point, he told me on the phone that if I wanted to have Alyssa at our house, he would trade her for a carton of cigarettes. It took at least one visit from the police and finally a notarized letter to allow Alyssa to come here, and convince her father that she would be coming back when we said she would be returned. The story is so much deeper than what I am writing here.

Alyssa is here now, and she is showing signs that, in our unprofessional yet educated opinions, indicate that she is under some severe mental distress and may be in fact mentally abused. Knowing the father and the things I have heard him say in front of her, and knowing my sister and how messed up she has been for so long, it is completely within reason that our opinions could be fact. Alyssa hits herself in the head repeatedly, she punched the car window today. Last night she told us that she only has bad dreams, never good ones, and that she remembers the last dream she had as being one where she "shot her daddy backward...with a real gun in his face...and he turned all pink", all the while, smiling and bright eyed as she tells us this. She goes into fits of rage and screaming which closely resemble what I witness some of the (formally labeled) severely emotionally disturbed children doing at one of the schools I teach in. Something is not right with this poor little five year old girl, and we are going to do all that we can to find out what is happening with her, and how she can be helped. Just now she walked in the room with a ball under her shirt as kids often like to do, but said "See! I drink a lot of beer." and patted her belly. Is this something a 5 year old should be saying? Maybe I am, as my mom said (and I often agree with her on this) too much of an idealist.

In the meantime, Loren has no choice but to leave out house and pursue a healthy course of rehabilitation for herself. With the help of Shirley (Aubrey's mom), Wendy (my mom) and Frank (my dad), along with friends who have offered suggestions and more, Aubrey and I presented Loren with possible choices and direction in which she can pursue with our guidance if need be. Our hopes for her are to have her go into an inpatient rehabilitation program for up to 28 days (or whatever is recommended) and from there, be referred into someplace like Sojourner House ( http://www.sojournerhouse.org/index.html ) where she can continue to work on the skills she needs to live as normal a life as possible.

This is a lot for us, as it wold be a lot for anyone out there to handle. We have our hands full, but are hopeful that the long term outcome of all of this will be good. I will do my best to provide updates via the blog to those of you who are interested in knowing how things are going. I would also be interested in any comments, thoughts or suggestions that anyone out there reading this is willing to provide us.

Thank you again to all of you who read my blog. I know that there are many of you out there who check back often, and that is so nice to know. Thank you for caring!!!