Love

These are what I think of when I hear the word "love". I love my kids. At the end of the best and the worst days, they love me and I them. I have friends who don't have and don't want their own children. Although everybody is different, I can't help but feel sorry a little for these friends. They can't possibly know the kind of love I do. I thought when my nephews were born that I had learned a brand new huge level of love that could only be felt for closest family. When my daughter was born, I learned just how wrong I was!

I'm so very lucky. I just needed to write that. It's my blog of course so I can do just that ;-)

Welcome back...me

I've been on hiatus for a while. Had a few mini-me's and such which can make any extra time I once had to write just vanish into thin air. I'm back though and you can be sure that I'll have lots to say about the Rochester cuisine scene. Keep checking back I'll keep posting!

Words with "friends"

Nope, I don't mean the game, at least not the way you'd think I do. I've had a few 'friends' lately who I have to admit, I've let down. I've not called often, or I've been a little distant. I do have my reasons for sure. What I have not (or ever, really) done, is to be completely ignorant of their needs or use them in any way. I, however, can't say the same in reverse.

The other night, a "friend" sends me a message on fb (so personal) stating she read I was on my own a bit and wondered if I'd have her over for wine and shed bring her own. Let me back up and say the last time I was invited over to her place was, well, when my son was an infant... 18 months or so ago... Nonetheless, my DH was not going to be home till late and why not. Company and a little adult help might be nice, right? Well, had I known it would have just been another person to feed and completely clean up after, I'd have declined her request. She came over with wine and proceeded to stand there after I'd pulled out a wine glass for her (along with the corkscrew and aerator). I'd poured myself a glass of my own wine and waited to see how long she'd wait until I'd open her wine. Ok, I'll be a friendly host but come on now... So she eventually (after I said 'are you gonna open that?') started to open her wine and said she always ruins the corks. Ok, I get that. I helped and she has her wine at this point.

I ask if she'd eaten, knowing she had not. She brought no food but again, I can be a nice host. I'll make pasta. I did just that. Made the pasta, watched my kids, cleaned up around us as we talked, and since she didn't offer to help with anything, I asked her to put napkins on the table. Done. I serve up the food, and I think she put a plate or so on the table. She didn't dish anything, or really contribute in any real way. After dinner, the kids go to play and my son was still not feeling well, so I had to calm him and get him to bed. Before I did this, "she" says "I told my roommate id be home by 8" and packs up to leave..... Food is still everywhere, dishes still on the table, my son is now crying and she gathers her wines up to leave! Doesn't offer a damn thing towards helping in any way. Not at all. So, she leaves, I'm dumbfounded and remind myself that she's no friend and that I'm done with that kind of relationship. next day, she sends a fb message - saying how glad she was it worked out for her to come over and how she wishes she'd been able to say something to help me out....?!?!? Wtf? Im confused... Say something? Like what? How about "can I help clean up"? Duh.... College educated doesn't = smart, folks.....

I have a few others out there too... Other folks who were people I respected and called "friends". Not sure what happened to them though. They don't call or respond until they need something. One was a "close" friend, until the final straw this summer. She never gave me an answer to a ? about a visit... And all travel and work plans hinged on her response. Because she never got back to us till it was too late, my husbands work plans were all messed up, as we're mine, and same with plans for the kids. Then she was coming home for a week since she no longer lives here... And talked about how I was the person to see... And I called HER when she was here, only to have her blow me off for all but 2 1/2 hours! Then texts me from the airport when she's leaving.... This is a person that I basically found myself chasing with calls and texts for a while.... Without reciprocation. A friend does this? No, that's not a friend. Not one that values me, anyhow.

I have always been the kind of person who tried to care for underlings and people that others would write off. Sadly I take longer than many to learn the hard lessons. There are reasons that people don't keep friends like these. I do feel bad for them. The first one was someone that I went to school with. For our capstone, nobody wanted to work with her, so I did. I was praised over and over for my patience and backbone to work with her when nobody else would. I unfortunately learned why people didn't work 'with' her - she didn't do any work! And because this was my culmination of my masters, I HAD to do my part, and hers (or it wouldn't be complete). I remember the day it was due - she was in the library researching! It was DUE!!!!! I should have dropped her before then but I believe in karma. I have to admit though, I don't know if she even realizes how others perceive her - but I can't do everything for everyone ... I need to think of me too, and I have always let me fall by the wayside...

I have met a few new friends lately. People I really have clicked with. Part of my new years resolution is to work on the friendships that matter, and rid myself of those that don't. I've got some housekeeping to do I guess!